Help wanted: woman on the edge

I think I may have figured out what my problem is of late. Yes, menopause is a bitch on ‘roids and I’m sure part of it has to do with my hormones. But I’ve been on edge for so long, stressed out, unsure whether I want to race a car around the block on foot or sleep for a week, and I think some of it at least has to do with the fact that I haven’t written anything substantial in about six months. I thought writing a fiction post every day might help, but it doesn’t. All it really does is add to my workload of editing two novels, keeping up with my main blog, as well as caring for my kids and my mother… and my house. I really should vacuum one of these years.

My little guy is going away to his dad’s for the weekend, so I’ll have time (hopefully) to get at least one editing project finished. Speaking of that, if any of you would like to volunteer to proofread a 10K romantic comedy novelette, that’d be fantastic. It’s a quick read. I should be finished my own final edit by the weekend. I’ll get it to you after that. I’m hoping to get it published in June. Once that’s out of the way, I’ll get back to working on one of the two novels I’ve started. With any luck it will lead to a happier, more pleasant, Izzy. And maybe some of the hair I’ve been yanking out by the roots can start to grow back.

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#tuesdayuseitinasentence – Abandon

“What do you mean there’s no one up there? The crowd’s ready to riot! I don’t care what you have to do, just get a band on the stage!!”

 

This post is part of Tuesday Use It In A Sentence, brought to you by MLW at A Word Adventure. This week’s word is “abandon.” Click here to find out how you can participate!

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Mother – #SoCS

I don’t like to talk about my mother on my regular blog, but I think I’m okay to talk about her here, where I’m somewhat anonymous. I’m not sure if any of my family follows this blog. I’ve only ever mentioned it once, a long time ago.

My mother is my only parent, my dad having died when I was young. I’m an only child, so it’s just her and me. And my kids, of course. I grew up with her, my dad, and their two best friends. My mother is the only one left. I used to think she was the lucky one, to have survived everyone else. Now I wonder.

She doesn’t remember anything from one minute to the next. She can ask me the same question every 15 seconds for 10 minutes. She’s beginning to lose her long-term memory as well. So I’ve been patient. But it’s not easy.

Lately she’s taken to accusing me of selling all she owned when I moved her into a retirement home. In actuality, she was there for the whole thing. She went through all her stuff and decided what to keep and what not to, she met the auctioneer who sold all she didn’t want. But now she asks me how I could sell everything she owns–her whole life–without telling her I was going to do it. It makes me feel small, guilty even, though I know I didn’t do anything wrong.

It’s tough watching your parents forget. It’s hard to deal with the forgetfulness, the anger, the bewilderment… And yes, I feel just as guilty for saying that maybe she’s not that lucky for having to go through all this. But life is cruel. I’m bewildered myself.

SoCS badge 2015

You can find the rules for Stream of Consciousness Saturday here https://lindaghill.com/2016/05/06/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-may-716/ 

A novel idea

Okay, so there’s this woman I’ve been “friends” with on social media for about eleven years now. She’s single, close to thirty years old, still living with her parents and hating it, looking for a job, and basically spending her life living off her art and playing video games. She’s a character and a half and I soooo want to write her.

But I’m not sure I can. You see, she has a particular ailment that she’s extremely sensitive about, that is so much a part of who she is that I can’t write it out of her. So if I write a novel and use her, even though it’s fiction, I’m sure she’ll see it to be herself. The novel, even though she is the protagonist, will not be very flattering as she herself has a rather distasteful personality. What to do…

I know! Isabella Morgan may just become an author.

What would you do?

Ex-Lover

what good does it do
this time of year
to remember you, but i do

the gifts i gave you
the birthday of an ex-lover
but what i remember most
are the gifts you gave me

silk skin and song
hard gentle touch and beauty
and oh, how you pushed my limits
just to disappear with a titanium kiss
but,

we drifted apart, didn’t we?
there was no sharp split
just a space, a hole
where you once filled my life
and other parts of me

each year, this time
i think of you and wonder
if you ever think of me
for you were un spectacle,
and in many ways, i was your first
and i will never stop thanking my lucky stars
that you were once my lover

One-Liner Wednesday – Of Pigs and Trolls

“Never wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.”
George Bernard Shaw

I think that works well for internet trolls too, don’t you?

Join in One-Liner Wednesday here! http://lindaghill.com/2015/06/17/one-liner-wednesday-everythings-funnier-with-an-axe/

SoCS – Almost Ready

Am I cheating by posting a SoCS post here? Maybe. But you see I’m not ready to come back. Not quite. I did say that I would take a month off from blogging and that month is almost over. What I wasn’t expecting was the freedom to do other things while I wasn’t blogging. At least not this much freedom.

I’m within a hundred pages of the end of my sixth edit on my novel. I’ll go back and work on the first third of it after this and then re-write the first two chapters and I’m done. It’ll be off to publishers and agents.

As much as I want to come back to blogging, I’m hesitant to let go of my focus on my novel. So close to the end… so close to seeing it in print. I’m standing at the precipice, my arms are like helicopter blades spinning – okay helicopters on their sides. Helicopters crashing. That’s not good, is it?

See? This is why I’m editing my novel.

This post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Find it here http://lindaghill.com/2015/05/29/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-may-3015/ and join in the fun!

badge by Doobster - may his blog rest in peace
badge by Doobster – may his blog rest in peace

Q is for Quality

Wanna be an author? Well lucky you! In this day and age all you have to do is throw a bunch of clichés together, mix in a few proverbs for good measure and lo and behold you have a novel! And then you have a choice – to e-publish it for free or, even better, go to a vanity press where they’ll gladly slap your drivel between the covers of a paperback and charge you thousands of dollars for your masterpiece!

A friend of a friend did just that. According to her author page on Amazon, she had never enjoyed reading for pleasure until one day she borrowed (not bought) two romance novels, read them, decided telling a story wasn’t rocket science and wrote a book of her own. Her work of art is available for the low low cost of $8.04 for the e-book or $23.49 for the paperback. Surprisingly, it hasn’t sold much.

While fools and their money are indeed easily separated, I find it scary to know that there are even more determined writers publishing their crappy wares for free. How does one sift through the chaff?  How many first chapters must one read before finding something worth paying $2.99 for?

I remember spending hours scanning the shelves at the book store as a teenager, looking for a cover or a title that sparked my interest. I could leave the store with my purchase reasonably sure there was something of quality in that molded plastic bag with the store’s logo printed on it. Now even the fact that a book has a publisher isn’t a guarantee that it might be worth buying, unless it’s from one of the big five.

Is there a trick to finding quality in published works that I’m not seeing? Or is it really like searching a needle-stack for a piece of hay?

O is for Opinions

Any piece of fiction, any work of art for that matter, is subject to people’s opinions and is therefore subjective. In other words, you can’t please everyone, because everyone has their own point of view and the experience from whence it came. This can be difficult for writers – some appreciate differing opinions from readers and some hate them. I, myself, often find that I’ll try to stay politically correct, at least when blogging, so as not to piss anyone off. I actually dislike that about myself, but it is what it is.

This issue I have sometimes bleeds over into my works of fiction, making me question whether or not to leave in what I’ve written or take it out. I’ll give you an example.

Without spoiling the story, J.K. Rowling’s A Casual Vacancy ends with a completely heartbreaking scene. In reading it, I felt that she could have changed the end of the story, but that would have been a lie. Staying true to a story, no matter the consequences, is of utmost importance. What Rowling wrote was true.

At the end of my own novel I have a similar scenario. I CAN leave something out which could potentially cause an uproar, but it’s really what happens. It’s true. To change it would be a lie.

You see, stories like mine aren’t told. They’re found. I believe every one of my stories exists somewhere in the universe – I’m just lucky enough to be the one to find them. They have a beginning, a middle and an end, and for me to oppress the end for the sake of possibly half the population who might hate me, would make the entire works meaningless.

It takes a lot of guts to release a story to the world. Especially if it’s told right. I wonder if that’s why I’ve delayed my novel for so long.

Would you rather read or watch a story that is true to itself even though it’s painful, or do you prefer a happy, albeit false ending?

 

EM is for Menstruation

My A-Z Challenge this year contains posts about writing adult content in fiction – you will not find any adult fiction within the parameters of the challenge, except for illustration purposes.

People are going to hate me for this, but I gotta say it. The “controversy” all started with the “iconic” scene in 50 Shades of Grey where *gasp* Christian Grey removed a tampon from Ana’s down there before he mounted her. And women all over the world tittered or threw up. What. The. Fuck.

Oh but it’s so sickening! they cry. To remove a foreign object from the place a man is going to stick his dick -so what?! Is your blood diseased? Are you not clean down there? If not you might want to reconsider those tampons in the first place, ‘coz it ain’t getting any better! And guys – feeling uneasy about the idea of fucking her during her period? Consider this: get her pregnant and your kid’s comin’ outta that same hole with even MORE blood — head-first! Is that sick or what? If you can’t handle the anatomy, get the hell out of the twat!

And grow the fuck up already!