My Third Blogaversary!

Well how’s this for a coincidence? I show up here for the first time in ages, and it just happens to be my WordPress anniversary.

Cool beans!

Hopefully I’ll be around a little more, since I’m (me, Izzy) about to become a published author. You’ll find me in this free (YES, FREE!!) book of short stories on March 17th, 2018!

Here’s to SHAMROCKS, SHILLELAGHS & SHENANIGANS. Sláinte!

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It’s My First Blogaversary!

Isabella Morgan has officially been alive for one year. Funny, I don’t feel a day less than 25.

I think about updating this blog every so often, but strangely I can never think of a thing to say when I get here. I intend to hang on to it though. Never know when I’m going to want to lash out over something that I can’t express, using my real name.

Anyhoo, I’m not saying anything here either, other than that I’m amazed it’s been a year. Maybe I should make a resolution to come back here every so often and post what I’m really thinking. Which is usually along the lines of, WHAT THE FUCK?

Happy Blogaversary to me!

“How can I get to know you better babe?”

The title of this post is a comment I got on my Facebook author page tonight from a strange man. I’m reminding myself that this is why I have the safeguards in place. No address, no contact info that isn’t general, no listing in the phone book… It’s also why I have this blog, so I can talk about these things openly without it showing up on my author page.

So why am I still kinda freaking out?

It’s All About the Grammer

Yesterday I joined the politest Facebook group ever. It’s a genre-specific book-lover’s group; in an older post, one of the members was complaining about the growing number of mistakes she’s been finding of late in e-books. To quote:

The amount of spelling and grammer errors lately are really bugging me. It’s like they don’t even have editors to correct their spelling and grammer or something.

Now I’m not one to make fun of people but it was difficult to stay away from this completely – no one in the group pointed out her glaring irony. Maybe there is hope for humanity after all – or maybe I just fucked that up.

This is part of One-Liner Wednesday (sort of). You can join in too by clicking the link. http://lindaghill.com/2015/09/30/one-liner-wednesday-tastes-like-steve/

Next!

You know how you sometimes read something really fast and you read what’s not really there? Hehe.

Two emails in my inbox, the top one reads “I just went for a job interview”
And the second email reads…. wait for it… “I just got some hand me downs.”

What I read: “I just went for a hand job interview.”

I’m thinking that unless the meetings are scheduled at least half an hour apart, the second interviewee stands to come out rather tired…

…and that’s how the literary world ended.

The unimaginable has happened.

Close on the heels of finding out that E.L. James, author of Fifty Shades of Grey, has begun writing a “How To” book on writing (which makes me throw up in my mouth a little every time I think of it) came the suggestion from Kobo that I pre-order her next novel. It may or may not be entitled Grey – it was hard to tell through the blur of tears as I read the devastating news email. What I did get was that the book is, get this, Fifty Shades of Grey AGAIN but through the eyes of Christian Grey instead of Anastasia (aka Mrs.) Grey.

I’ve mourned the loss of the money I threw away spent when I bought the trilogy enough, I think, to know better than to buy the same thing AGAIN. But fans of the first three books surely will.

Will millions of readers die of boredom? Or worse, will they live to take advice from Ms. James on how to write a novel?

Stay tuned. And don’t worry, I’ll be there to hold your hand when the literary world gets whipped right out of existence.

 

V is for Vulva

My A-Z Challenge this year contains posts about writing adult content in fiction – you will not find any adult fiction within the parameters of the challenge, except for illustration purposes.

While it’s sometimes hard to decide whether to use the proper names for body parts or the slang, (as discussed here “J is for Junk”) it’s possible to go too far when being specific, especially for a writer who doesn’t research or understand the function of said body parts.

The example I’ve come across most often is during sex scenes where his penis reaches her womb. Seriously? How long is that sucker? Does it tickle the back of her throat while it’s up there?

Vulva, as described at http://www.innerbody.com/image_repfov/repo13-new.html (where, incidentally, you won’t be treated to a series of pictures, unlike Wikipedia):

The vulva is the collective name for the external female genitalia in the pubic region, including the labia, clitoris, and urethral and vaginal openings. These organs work together to support urination and sexual reproduction.

How many times have you seen it used as though it’s a specific bit of the vagina? I can’t count.

But my absolute favourite of all time comes from 50 Shades of Grey wherein Ana presumably dies and comes back to life.

Finally, my medulla oblongata recalls its purpose.

From google search page:

This section of the brain helps transfer messages to the spinal cord and the thalamus in the brain from the body and controls breathing, heart function, blood vessel function, digestion, sneezing, and swallowing. Sensory and motor neurons from the forebrain and midbrain travel through the medulla.

That one deserves applause, don’t you think?

T is for Transparency, U is for Unbelievable

I have little patience for a novel or movie that I can see through right from the start. Even a romance, which you know is either going to end up happily ever after or the dog’s gonna die, it’s possible to have such a conflict in the story that there is no way for the reader/viewer to deduce how the resolution will come about.

Even worse is an unbelievable resolution that causes me to throw the book across the room in a fit of frustration. I don’t like it and the cat really hates it.

But you know what’s the worse thing of all? That I’m having such a hard time getting through this challenge. Anyone who knows me will tell you I don’t give up. But honestly, I may not make it through “V,” even though I already have “X” scheduled to go for Tuesday.

Ugh.

That is all for today.

 

Q is for Quality

Wanna be an author? Well lucky you! In this day and age all you have to do is throw a bunch of clichés together, mix in a few proverbs for good measure and lo and behold you have a novel! And then you have a choice – to e-publish it for free or, even better, go to a vanity press where they’ll gladly slap your drivel between the covers of a paperback and charge you thousands of dollars for your masterpiece!

A friend of a friend did just that. According to her author page on Amazon, she had never enjoyed reading for pleasure until one day she borrowed (not bought) two romance novels, read them, decided telling a story wasn’t rocket science and wrote a book of her own. Her work of art is available for the low low cost of $8.04 for the e-book or $23.49 for the paperback. Surprisingly, it hasn’t sold much.

While fools and their money are indeed easily separated, I find it scary to know that there are even more determined writers publishing their crappy wares for free. How does one sift through the chaff?  How many first chapters must one read before finding something worth paying $2.99 for?

I remember spending hours scanning the shelves at the book store as a teenager, looking for a cover or a title that sparked my interest. I could leave the store with my purchase reasonably sure there was something of quality in that molded plastic bag with the store’s logo printed on it. Now even the fact that a book has a publisher isn’t a guarantee that it might be worth buying, unless it’s from one of the big five.

Is there a trick to finding quality in published works that I’m not seeing? Or is it really like searching a needle-stack for a piece of hay?

P is for Piddle

… as in piddling away my P post for today because I’m too stressed out to come up with something that fits my theme.

…as in piddling away my life trying to get too much done.

…as in piddling away my worries because damnit, I’m getting the hell offline and doing something for myself today!!

Go, me!! Onwards and upwards!